The dirty talking writer ;)

Posted: April 29, 2014 in Blog post
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Love it.I’m writing, which is great, but I have to smile at the memories. Hence why I’m here.
In my time I’ve had a few “text flings”, you know what I’m talking about. I always thought it was somewhat ironic that as a writer I could share the specifics of what was in my mind and if I got a “yeah” (one word response) I was somewhat perturbed.
Except I should never start these things because I could never be satisfied. I’m too busy trying to play both parts and writing dialogue in my mind as I’m forming a plot, and themes… the phone beeps with a message and it’s, ‘oh yeah, I’d forgotten about him.’
It’s no one’s fault I suppose but my boyfriends knew about my life calling. Is it wrong that I would put my expectations on them? Maybe, maybe not. I don’t do it deliberately. But when I could casually text a guy while sitting in a waiting room somewhere and have him coming in minutes without much effort I suppose at that point I should have realised that hmm, I should charge for this shit – not literally :p
Emoticons are great. A little 😉 at the end would always make me smile because if I didn’t know you were being sexy in the first place then you’re doing it wrong (and that goes for me as well). I use them too. It’s something my generation gave birth to in internet chat rooms across the world – when we first built them up. Yes, it’s true, anyone who was a child in the nineties contributed to the mass of insanity now known (and taken for granted) by this generation. We didn’t have Facebook – we hadn’t invented it yet (no offense Zuckerberg FYI I love your name it’s onomatopoeic though I’m not exactly sure for what because we’ve never met, lol).
We didn’t just build the foundation of social media with our message boards and forums dedicated to everything – literally everything. For the first time people on antipodes could blether to us on our own side of the planet when our parents had sent us to our bedrooms for trekking too far by visiting the kids at the bottom of the road.
Anyway, I digress because I really am writing and I don’t want to get distracted. But I thought it was important to share my little insight.
I love dirty talk but if you’re a writer don’t try to outdo your partner or it becomes an intellectual exercise. But without expectations ourselves it can be powerful to see what our words can do to others, and that’s where the turn on is. Don’t expect his words alone to get you off, but bask in the effect yours can have, hehe.
Another drag is continuity. ‘I’m gonna hold you down on the bed and–‘
Wait a minute, we were just in a park against a tree. Where is the bed? How did that come into the story? Is there a bed in the park? Or are we inside somewhere now?
I was thinking about the scratch of rough bark and the cold, damp grass seeping between my toes. A dull grey sky hung above us, it’s not quite night and there is the sound of traffic both vehicular and pedestrian not too far away, we could get caught. The tree is full of bushy green leaves, it’s spring… now we’re on a bed? Ok, what season is it?
One more no-no, don’t worry about spelling and grammar. You’re laughing but it’s happened. Right there, alone in bed, waiting for the text response, ready to tip you over and “their” becomes “there”, or “your” becomes “you’re”, that’s ruined it for me. Off the boil, sigh, growl, and then putting my wrist into it I rhyme off a few well placed (and grammatically correct) phrases to finish him off then it’s goodnight.
Going to bed frustrated, more at myself than at him, and in that instant I know I have no future with “hornyhulk898”. But that’s the blessing of being a writer because then I mentally switch to my work and there he is… and he’s whoever I want him to be.
Writers don’t need porn, anything can happen in our imaginations and it happens in surround sound with full Technicolor.
Satisfied and glowing after an interlude with whatever man I just made up that’s when I always remember – writing fiction is easy, it’s reality that’s hard 😉

Good luck on your adventures,



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