summer

I’ve been at the computer for almost fourteen hours now, the room is starting to ripple, and I haven’t eaten since… yesterday. Needless to say I’ll keep this brief.
Explicit Instruction stormed through the charts at Amazon.ca I don’t think there are words for my surprise. It’s a funny little cloud to be sitting on. I know the position won’t hold forever, so although it’s amazing I’m already preparing for the crash. Weird, isn’t it? Writing isn’t instant. I can’t just release a new book tomorrow. But as flattered and humbled as I am it’s like… it doesn’t feel real. I thought actually charting anywhere was the equivalent to winning an Oscar, you know, completely out of the realm of possibility for anyone mortal.
I’ve been a writer all of my life. But it’s different now. In these last few months, since I started to publish the beast has taken on a new form. It’s a form I like. It’s utterly exhausting and exhilarating, and for the first time today I started to realise that this is real. People have actually read my work, some people like it, some people don’t, but it’s out there now. There’s no taking it back… not that I would if I could. But it’s just little me, sitting behind my computer, writing the worlds that exist in my mind.
I wish I could reach more people, and I wish more people could reach me. There have been times I’ve been exhausted through to my bones, and times I’ve been so happy I’ve wanted to jump and scream.
I don’t know what this is. I don’t know what I’ve started. But I do know I’m not going anywhere.
People I’ve thought would be happy for me, ignore me. People who I thought would be disappointed, are proud. But still, it’s just little me, behind my computer screen, tapping away.
I do this for me. I do it because I would be doing it anyway, whether I published or not. But it’s just me, all alone, sharing my secret with you.
I’m about to digress into my existential mutterings so I’ll stop there. I suppose what I want to say is, thank you for having faith, for joining me on this journey. Sorry, if I disappoint you, if I fail to live up to the faith you’ve put in me, and… please, I want to ask you to come with me, to stay with me, I can’t do this alone. I am us, I am we, and without we and us, there is no I…
See, I told you, I think I’m tripping out! Here’s to tomorrow, and may there be many more to come.

Good luck on your adventures,

xSx

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Comments
  1. Renee says:

    Scarlett, I’m so happy for you hon re: Amazon.ca – congrats!

    Looks like you’ve been kicking some butt in the writing world, following your passion, appreciating the highs, dealing with the lows, accepting that it’s all part of the package and writing, writing, writing…

    It’s all good. 🙂

    I love what you wrote here. It’s honest, inspirational and I don’t have a problem with your existential mutterings in the least. I’m looking forward to hearing more of them in future, both here and in our groups on GR!

    PS: Thanks for sharing your ‘secret’ – I like secrets! 😉

    • scarlettfinn says:

      Thank you so much for getting in touch. I often wonder if the world of the web is just in my imagination too! It’s nice when it talks back, so to speak 😛
      I’m still holding in Canada, which is great. It’s odd though, I feel I should do something but I don’t know what. Since publishing I’ve become more of an actor than a reactor. I don’t do well just sitting still.
      So… I’m writing.
      I appreciate what you said about my mutterings but I do like to keep them to a minimum, I have a habit of going on and on… as you can tell, lol.

      Thanks again, Renee!

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